Unappeased

As I slide in my slippers around the kitchen table. I want to feel zombie like, because inside I felt nothing. I didn’t know how to help him. I knew what I needed to do. He refuses to go back. I continue to slide around, the kitchen table liking the sound of my slippers.

He steps out his room to watch me for a moment. He said nothing and went back inside. Is this what it feels like for him. Overwhelmed, subdued, listless. We share being overwhelmed, but still it’s not the same.

My shuffling around the kitchen table wasn’t appeasing it only made me dizzy.

 

Rituals

It’s not my story, but expressions from my view
As clouds litter the sky
As rain fall outside my window
I…
Squishing noises woke me from my sleep. I checked my phone and it was 3:42am. I can’t interrupt it or make a sound. So, I lay in bed listening.

I heard the bathroom door being closed several times, next running water, then squishing noises, as soap dispenser was pressed. Once, twice, three times. I lost count… Several more times. Sink water off. Shower knob pulled. The vibrations of these rituals are vibrating off my room walls. My room is next to the bathroom. Once, twice three times. Shower running.

I think the number is 3. Water stops. Something went wrong. Sink water back on, squishing starts. Shower reruns. He’s humming happily. I pray he can go back to sleep. 4:21 am. It’s quiet. Water back on again. I fell asleep.

This is my sideview seeing someone suffer with OCD

Ruminating

Stuck

In this stage

Mechanically guided

As ruminating thoughts

Rotate under the surface

Nobody else sees or hears

Trapped in fear

Too anxious to crack

As ruminating thoughts

Impulsively

Grab

Incessantly

Demands

Stepping into overdrive

Repeating

Compulsions

Triggering

Fears

Click….
From an outsider looking in
…..here it goes again

Muse of moon

My face sizzles under its gaze

Eyes looking out with surprise

Loving this gift

Body tingling under its gaze

My heart opens

As my insides shrill with energy

Wrapping around

Pulsating

Activating my heart chakra

My moon and muse

Reopening the love inside of me

Stillness

Awakening was easy

Daily prayers

Easing into affirmations

Flowing into euphoric thoughts

One thing missing

Stillness

Easing out
As guided meditations
Quell an active mind

As stillness become my new norm
Unattached to action

Untouched
By all outside of me

Loved Nightly

Oh my

I’m so in love

A black sky serving as a backdrop

As clusters of stars

Rain down from above

Oh my

I’m so in love

Constellations

Twinkling love from above

As blessings shower below

Creating a permanent

Glint in my eyes

Oh my

Exuding love

Out into my universe

Honor You

As I enter this day

Thankful

Blissfully and luminously connected to you

Lovingly

Thankful for my life journey

Wisely

In love with me

Feeling happiness and joy

Everyday

Especially, on this day of birth

As I humbly honor you

Awakening

My universe